Dear Readers, Meet Boyfriend.

Boyfriend and I have a running joke that we are each others Constants (see: LOST) and thusly, due to time travel, we have known each other for over 300 years.  If that's the case, Boyfriend and I re-met in the January of 2008.  We started dating in May 2009.  A lot happened in between.

Boyfriend is really super amazing, but I'm not sure he knows just how amazing he is.  That's one of the ways we balance each other out – I'm constantly telling everyone how amazing I am, and he would never do that.  He's kind of shy around people he doesn't know that well and hilarious and full of life once you get know him.

He plays guitar and he has an amazing voice, and yet, he lets me sing in the band because I asked him if I could.  Also, when we play Rockband he always high-fives me if I do OK on a song, but kisses me if I do really well.

He's a brilliant photographer (again, something he would never say and probably doesn't even believe).  When you look at a picture of yourself that he's taken, you think one of two things: "Goddamn, I didn't know that I could look so good – I should be a model"; otherwise it's, "Well, I'm picking my nose in this one, but damn the composition is spot on."

We can talk about anything.  Seriously.  And I don't just mean that in a sit-around-and-talk-about-your-feelings kind of way (which we do sometimes).  I mean, one time we had a 30 min conversation about sketchy ways to prepare french fries.  We might also have conversations that start out like this: "Who would win in a fight – Treebeard or The Whomping Willow?"
or "You know why ConAir is a good movie...?"
or "Ok, here's my problem with air conditioners..."

One time, I asked him, "You know that guy that was on that show that was on after that other show that was like live action Family Guy?" and he ended up figuring out that I was talking about Yes, Dear and Mike O'Malley.  He knows who I mean when I say things like, "He's the guy that's not on Law & Order: SVU" (answer: Elias Koteas who I always confuse with Christopher Meloni, but I digress).

He can quote Back to the Future and Christmas Vacation by heart and one Christmas he watched at least 15 minutes of Love Actually before he realized it wasn't a Mr. Bean movie.  He dressed up with me to see the last two Harry Potter films – and probably will do again for the last one.

He laughs so hard at videos of animals on the internet that I think he might die.  And I suspect that he is the target audience for 99% of memes.

He's oddly frightened of things that he thinks are "too big" such as large American flags, construction cranes, water towers… There's something about this that I find super cute and endearing.

He's fantastic at cuddling and can make a killer omelet.  He's not above taking silly pictures with fake mustaches – or creating fake Facebook profiles for pictures of us with fake mustaches.

He's the best.  I like him a lot, like a lot a lot.

And tomorrow is our 2 year anniversary.  

We're spending the afternoon getting a couples massage and then he's taking me somewhere for dinner.  I don't know where and I haven't a clue, but I am asking him every chance I get (even though I told him to surprise me.  I do this around Christmas time too, when I want to know what he got me).

It feels like we've been together longer and I'm sometimes surprised when I realize that it has only been two years.  It feels like a lifetime in the most wonderful way you can imagine.  From the very beginning he seemed so familiar to me, like he fit, and he felt safe, like home.  I wouldn't trade these past two years for the world and I look forward to more years like these first two. 

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it

God only knows what I'd be without you...

– God Only Knows // The Beach Boys

my childhood crush

 

“In all my life I’ve never loved anyone, but I love you. I’m in love with you and I always will be.”

My childhood crush said this to me at my 21st birthday party. 

I had spent my actual 21st birthday in Ireland.  I threw a toga party and my then-boyfriend's friends got us a wedding cake and wrote fake vows for us.  A bottle of Champagne got sabered, someone else made a penis cake, and there was a lot of drunken singing.

But because 21 is such a big deal in the States, and not as much of a big deal in Ireland (since we'd all been drinking legally since 18 there), I had a birthday party when I got home, too.

It was at that party that I saw my childhood crush for the first time in about 3 years.

After that, the next time I saw him was about 2 years later and we were both newly single.  We never talked about that night or his drunken confession.  I slept in his bed – nothing happened.

This summer he is getting married. 

I'm not jealous, if that's what you're thinking. 

When I was younger, I always imagined that we were betrothed, like Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming.  And that our parents, because they were best friends, wanted us to be together.

But, honestly, it was always a dream; something that could never happen in real life for so many, many reasons.  And as I got older I realized this.  And as I got older, my childhood crush faded into memory.  

I believe that as you go through life, certain people will change you without even trying.  There are certain people that I will always compare or judge others against.  And there are certain people that help you develop into the person you are today.  I recently wrote about the friend who made me realize that I would sacrifice my own feelings for the sake of friendship, even if in the long run the friendship is ruined.  In this case, my childhood crush made start to realize that someone could like me for me – something I felt from him even before I really understood it myself.

So, while I'm not jealous, it is strange to think about him marrying someone else, even if I'm happily in a relationship, too.  Because, it's funny how the memories cling (even memories of things that never happened) as if I should be upset.  But I'm not.

I wish him the best.  I honestly do. 

We're on a mission from God.

baMmo! July 2009 – Brad, Alex, Meg, maRk, & Orlando

Which means, obviously, we're getting the band back together!  I'm sure you all gathered that from the title of this post – a quote from the classic film, The Blues Brothers.  Or did you think I was suddenly returning to my Catholic roots?  Not likely, my friends.  Not likely.

Getting the band back together, you may be asking yourself.  When did you break up?  When were even in a band?  Well, let me take you back...

In early 2009, when I was working as computer software trainer, a few of the other trainers and I were waiting for our appointments, when suddenly a band formed.  Four of the guys played instruments and they figured, why not play together?  I was mostly just observing this happen when they turned to me, and asked if I wanted to be the singer.  I laughed, but said yes.  At this point, no one had heard me sing.  I don't think anyone even cared if I could sing.  I'm convinced that they just wanted a "cute girl" to stand in front of the band and prance around (possibly with a tambourine).

So, that's how we all started practicing two times a week after work.  We called ourselves baMmo! after the names of everyone in the band: Brad, Alex, Meg, maRk, Orlando (I kept tried to name us things like Alonzo Hawk and other obscure Disney references that no one else liked).  We had no drummer, but we did have two guitars and a saxophone.  And we had an amazing practice space: Orlando lived in a warehouse next to auto-body shops, so no one cared if we played loud music well into the night.

Orlando on the Sax, Brad on the Axe.

We started out playing some covers to get used to each other – "Hey Sandy" by Polaris, more popularly known as the theme from underrated 90's Nickelodeon gem The Adventures of Pete & Pete, was a personal favorite.  And after a while, we had a hand full of original songs – some that were actually pretty good!  Everyone seemed somewhat surprised at how good we all were together: Alex and Brad were awesome guitar players who worked so well with each others style; Orlando did rockin thing with the sax in really unexpected ways; maRk had this quiet understanding of everything that was going on (and a totally awesome bass); and, well, everyone pretended not to be shocked when they found out that not only could I sing, I could write.

maRk on his totally awesome bass, Alex and Meg rocking out.

We decided that we should record an EP consisting of our 5 or so original songs as well as a heavier cover of "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane (I think that shocked everyone the most when I belted out this song for the first time).  It wasn't so that we could shop it around, but so that we had a record of what we had spent the past few months doing, a personal memento of the early days in the band.  Sadly, this never happened and we're left with some quasi-decent, but mostly shitty, Garageband recordings (but, who knows, they could be valuable bootlegs someday!).  Orlando had to leave the warehouse and Brad moved to San Diego.  And thus baMmo! went into hibernation.

Maybe I should rephrase the first sentence of this post.  We're not getting the band back together.  We're getting a band back together.

I would love more than anything to have a Blues Brothers-style road trip down to San Diego, knock on Brad's door and tell him, "We're on a mission from God."  Of course, I would then hope to be able to say the (modified) line, "It's 460 miles to San Diego, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses."  Oh, and there would have to be an epic car chase.  And Nazis.  And The Good Ol' Boys.  And I'm getting off topic.  The point is that I can't really drag Brad back up here - even if I miss him terribly.

In fact, I miss the whole band terribly.  I miss playing music and I miss the other guys.  We're all mostly in different places now, with different jobs, and we don't see each other everyday anymore.  It's been nearly 2 years since we've all even been in the same place, nonetheless played music together. Beyond it being fun, it was a total confidence boost to become comfortable enough with these guys to not only sing, but to sing songs that I wrote myself.  I'm sure everyone felt that way to some degree.

And I'm gonna be honest here: I need this.  I've realized that while I love working for Big Computer Company, it's not my passion; while my job is great, it's not fulfilling my creative needs.  And the more I get to know my co-workers, the more I feel like that weird girl in grammar school that used to eat paste.  And I've never been that girl.  Perhaps its also something to do with the fact that since graduating from an all-girls high school, I have steered clear of large groups of women.  All through college and up until now, I have always been one of the few girls in an all male environment. . .

The band brings that back, lets me be the girl - I LOVE being the girl; it lets me write and sing and bounce around like a crazy person.  It lets me open up with these guys in ways that I never have before.  It might not be the same as before, but it's something.  And that's enough for now.